Count takes you to the Oscars. Trigger Warning, my takes might include size, race, mental illness and psychopathia references. Read my takes at your own risk as I will not be responsible for any negative feelings you have as a result of reading my insanity. If are in any way concerned, please retreat to a safe space now.
Justin Timberlake, terrible hair big guy. BTW, when will NSYNC be reuiniting?
I must be old, I don't know any of those actors they keep showing.
Hey, wait a minute it's Slumdog Millionaire.
Jackie Chan, how you doing big guy. Bruce Lee has nothing on you.
Man Guy show is hosting, should be fun.
Damn Mad Max is looking even more nuts than when he was in Thunderdome
Fat Shaming Matt Damon, awesome.
I promise, one year, I will definitely see the movies up for Best Picture.
At least the Man Guy show host recognizes, no one goes to these type of movies.
Hey Viggo "Go Habs Go"
Meryl Streep could take a crap in the opening credits of a movie, never say a word, and still be nominated.
Jimmy is doing a great job so far.
Alithia (sp) nice dress
Jeff Bridges, damn time has not been kind to you
Michael Shannon scares me
Mahershala Ali = who? However, nice Goth Black Tux.
Whatever happened to Jason Bateman's sister?
Star Trek makeup >>> Suicide Squad makeup
Holy Crap, that guy who won has great yellow glasses, and the other guy has the worst fake tan ever
Ok Oscars, I know you have time limits, but pushing that guy with the bad mullet and fake tan off is bad, he is a nobody behind the screen, this is his 15 seconds let him have them
Who would have thought Queen Amidala could look so much like Jackie O
Sting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Colleen Atwood, you design costumes, no need for Botox.
Two of the three from Hidden Figures could teach me math anytime, the other one's dress ain't hiding her figure
Holy crap, is that Kirsten Dunst? I thought she was dead
I see the Academy is overcompensating for screwing blacks over last year but giving them a ton of awards tonight
I can smell what the Rock is cooking
The mathematician in the wheel chair smoked too many cigs in her life either that or she swallowed a few too many razor blades #raspyvoice
I didn't see Moana, my son said it was a "girl" movie and I don't push him to be transgender
I am startrng to think the Academy is very political,,,,
Nicole Kidman, do you miss Tom?
Sophia Butella (sp) wax those eyebrows girl, there was an Amazon forest going on above your eyes.
Sophia gross dress
Mais Salut Montreal, Sylvain, ca va?
Is that Mad Max' daughter with him?
Mammy!!! How is Scarlett?
Mark, that hat is so last year
Michelle Williams rocking the boy haircut
Viola Davis, gross dress girl
Charlize Theron aka amazon Goddess
Shirley MacLaine don't make em like her anymore
Winner of foreign film couldn't get in USA, awesome
Sting's voice is giving out
Cute birds just won for Piper
So far, black injustice, southern wall and muslim ban all mentioned, #toopolitical
A talking animal has to win, WTG Zootopia
Nice dress Dakota, should have performed a 50 Shades scene on stage
Ryan Gosling, gross tux shirt man
Damn, I wish I was on that tour bus
Jenny Aniston is looking old and her face is bloated
Emma Stone, looking good girl
It's Jyn Erso, where is K2SO?
Michael J Fox in a DeLorean = ****ing awesome
Mel Gibson, damn man you look right you are about to go postal, everything ok?
Nice shoes by Sonny!!! Did you find them in the train station where your dumb ass brother left you?
Salma Hayek = Hubba Hubba
Gee White Helmets aka a political movie, won, qu'elle surprise
Tweeting at Trump means Jimmy is going to be arrested
Harold!!! How is Kumar doing?
Loved the mean tweet skit
Robert De Niro can still beat you up
Emma Stone, nice dress
Hey there is Mace Windu, no you dumb ass, that is Stephen, oh who cares, both are annoying (Shaft is going to kill me now)
I guess I need to see LaLaLand, nah **** it
Hey it's Bridget Neilson, no you dumb ass that is Scarlett Johansson
Jenny Aniston, longer slit next dress ok
and please more bronzer next time
George Kennedy is dead? OMG, I guess I can start to fly again. I had one rule, if he is on the plane, I get off.
RIP R2D2
It's the former Mr Jenny Garner and Jason Bourne, **** the Patriots,,,
Amy Adams, shiny dress, wowza
Love the tux the winner for Best Adapted Screenplay is wearing
Halle Berry WTF
Mel is going to go on a rant after losing Best Director
Casey Affleck aka the Revenant won Best Actor and Denzel is pissed off
Queen Amidala was ripped off, oh Anakin is not going to be happy, hide your younglings
Emma doesn't look like a crackwhore to me
Faye, the years have been kind, Warren partied and ****ed too much
The winner is La La Land, oh wait, Steven Harvey just showed up, MOONLIGHT is the real winner
No ****ing way I give up my Oscar, I would say "from my cold dead hand"...
Jimmy, well done saving the biggest screw up in Oscar history.
I think we need Will Smith to show up with his normalizer and spray us so what we saw we did not see.
Of course, how could anyone believe a movie about two cisgendered whiteys win best picture of a LGTBQ2 black man who is poor, filming a movie like that is basically a guaranteed best picture,,,.
See y'all next year.
Justin Timberlake, terrible hair big guy. BTW, when will NSYNC be reuiniting?
I must be old, I don't know any of those actors they keep showing.
Hey, wait a minute it's Slumdog Millionaire.
Jackie Chan, how you doing big guy. Bruce Lee has nothing on you.
Man Guy show is hosting, should be fun.
Damn Mad Max is looking even more nuts than when he was in Thunderdome
Fat Shaming Matt Damon, awesome.
I promise, one year, I will definitely see the movies up for Best Picture.
At least the Man Guy show host recognizes, no one goes to these type of movies.
Hey Viggo "Go Habs Go"
Meryl Streep could take a crap in the opening credits of a movie, never say a word, and still be nominated.
Jimmy is doing a great job so far.
Alithia (sp) nice dress
Jeff Bridges, damn time has not been kind to you
Michael Shannon scares me
Mahershala Ali = who? However, nice Goth Black Tux.
Whatever happened to Jason Bateman's sister?
Star Trek makeup >>> Suicide Squad makeup
Holy Crap, that guy who won has great yellow glasses, and the other guy has the worst fake tan ever
Ok Oscars, I know you have time limits, but pushing that guy with the bad mullet and fake tan off is bad, he is a nobody behind the screen, this is his 15 seconds let him have them
Who would have thought Queen Amidala could look so much like Jackie O
Sting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Colleen Atwood, you design costumes, no need for Botox.
Two of the three from Hidden Figures could teach me math anytime, the other one's dress ain't hiding her figure
Holy crap, is that Kirsten Dunst? I thought she was dead
I see the Academy is overcompensating for screwing blacks over last year but giving them a ton of awards tonight
I can smell what the Rock is cooking
The mathematician in the wheel chair smoked too many cigs in her life either that or she swallowed a few too many razor blades #raspyvoice
I didn't see Moana, my son said it was a "girl" movie and I don't push him to be transgender
I am startrng to think the Academy is very political,,,,
Nicole Kidman, do you miss Tom?
Sophia Butella (sp) wax those eyebrows girl, there was an Amazon forest going on above your eyes.
Sophia gross dress
Mais Salut Montreal, Sylvain, ca va?
Is that Mad Max' daughter with him?
Mammy!!! How is Scarlett?
Mark, that hat is so last year
Michelle Williams rocking the boy haircut
Viola Davis, gross dress girl
Charlize Theron aka amazon Goddess
Shirley MacLaine don't make em like her anymore
Winner of foreign film couldn't get in USA, awesome
Sting's voice is giving out
Cute birds just won for Piper
So far, black injustice, southern wall and muslim ban all mentioned, #toopolitical
A talking animal has to win, WTG Zootopia
Nice dress Dakota, should have performed a 50 Shades scene on stage
Ryan Gosling, gross tux shirt man
Damn, I wish I was on that tour bus
Jenny Aniston is looking old and her face is bloated
Emma Stone, looking good girl
It's Jyn Erso, where is K2SO?
Michael J Fox in a DeLorean = ****ing awesome
Mel Gibson, damn man you look right you are about to go postal, everything ok?
Nice shoes by Sonny!!! Did you find them in the train station where your dumb ass brother left you?
Salma Hayek = Hubba Hubba
Gee White Helmets aka a political movie, won, qu'elle surprise
Tweeting at Trump means Jimmy is going to be arrested
Harold!!! How is Kumar doing?
Loved the mean tweet skit
Robert De Niro can still beat you up
Emma Stone, nice dress
Hey there is Mace Windu, no you dumb ass, that is Stephen, oh who cares, both are annoying (Shaft is going to kill me now)
I guess I need to see LaLaLand, nah **** it
Hey it's Bridget Neilson, no you dumb ass that is Scarlett Johansson
Jenny Aniston, longer slit next dress ok
and please more bronzer next time
George Kennedy is dead? OMG, I guess I can start to fly again. I had one rule, if he is on the plane, I get off.
RIP R2D2
It's the former Mr Jenny Garner and Jason Bourne, **** the Patriots,,,
Amy Adams, shiny dress, wowza
Love the tux the winner for Best Adapted Screenplay is wearing
Halle Berry WTF
Mel is going to go on a rant after losing Best Director
Casey Affleck aka the Revenant won Best Actor and Denzel is pissed off
Queen Amidala was ripped off, oh Anakin is not going to be happy, hide your younglings
Emma doesn't look like a crackwhore to me
Faye, the years have been kind, Warren partied and ****ed too much
The winner is La La Land, oh wait, Steven Harvey just showed up, MOONLIGHT is the real winner
No ****ing way I give up my Oscar, I would say "from my cold dead hand"...
Jimmy, well done saving the biggest screw up in Oscar history.
I think we need Will Smith to show up with his normalizer and spray us so what we saw we did not see.
Of course, how could anyone believe a movie about two cisgendered whiteys win best picture of a LGTBQ2 black man who is poor, filming a movie like that is basically a guaranteed best picture,,,.
See y'all next year.