In all seriousness.... do this:
When you cross the border into DET, check out a bar called "NEMO'S" It is an amazing spot. Historic even. It is littered with pictures of past greats who have been in the bar and it is located only feet away from the grounds of old Tiger stadium, the bar is really cool and they make a GREAT burger.
They also have tickets for every sporting event (NHL, NFL, NBA, MLB) They offer a shuttle to and from the game, so you can park your car away from the madness of the stadium for free.
IMHO, a must see if you go to DET. (Also look for Ted Lindsay on the concourse during the intermission! He is ALWAYS there)