The Leafs weren’t just my first hockey love. They were basically my first human memory.
I’ll never forget it: May 3rd, 1993. Leafs vs. Blues, Game 1, second OT. And of course it all comes down to Dougie vs. CuJo. Gilmour — back of the net … Andreychuk in front with Borschevsky … and there is Gilmour, waiting, waiting … around the net, waiting … HE’S OPEN!! GILMOUR — SOLO JOB … AND HE’S WON IT!!
I don’t even think I was three years old yet for that game. But I can still remember — so exactly — where we were when Doug scored: Just my dad and I, sitting together in front of the TV, all nerves, up on the edge of our seats, on our old couch, way way way past my bedtime. And then the two of us, just — god. Erupting as that puck slipped through. I’m sure I didn’t know any of the rules, or even have the slightest clue of what it all meant. (My guess is that my father just said something like, “OK, Johnny — root for the team wearing white here.”) And it was as simple as that: I was a little kid, wanting to stay up late, taking cues from his dad. But, man — that first cue was all I needed. That game was it for me. I was hooked.
My first time in Maple Leaf Gardens, I think I was six years old — so it was probably around the winter of ‘96. And I just remember walking in … and being speechless. Like, truly speechless — you could have knocked me over with a feather. I was in total awe. You’re going through these hallways … seeing all this memorabilia from the ‘50s and ‘60s … all of these banners, and the old team portraits, and the action shots — and then of course the iconic images of those guys lifting the Cup. There’s almost this, like … glow to it, that you can’t really explain. The whole thing felt holy. It was like going to church.
And then you get to the rink, to the ice … to that first little patch of white that catches your eye through the concourse … and man, I’m telling you: it’s over. Or at least it was over for me. That first trip to Maple Leaf Gardens, with my mom and my dad — that was the day when I think I first sort of saw my future. That was the day when I started to put that puzzle together of, like, OK, this is something beyond very cool. This is something beyond just, you know, being a kid from this city, and loving this team, and watching this game. This is … I mean … this is me, now. This is what I want to do with my life. Right here, in this building, like these guys are doing tonight. Just — that was it. You know what I mean?
I’d played hockey before.
But now I was a hockey player.
So then as far as my Boyhood Leafs Dream goes — just to set the record straight:
I absolutely was “Pajama Boy.”
You know, guilty as charged. And I absolutely deserve every bit of ribbing that I got on that one: I had the pajamas, I had the bedsheets, the blankets, the pillow cases. Man, it was just — it was an absurd, obsessed amount of Leafs stuff. And it was the time of my life.
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Has it been a boyhood dream of mine to play for the Leafs? I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t. And was realizing that dream a major factor in my ultimately choosing to sign with the Leafs — even over a franchise that, like I said, in many ways raised me? It was a major factor, yes. But it wasn’t my entire decision. And anyone who claims it was … I’ll just say that they must not know me at all.
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And then the other truth here is … well, the other truth here is kind of boring: I’m 27 years old. I’ve been in the league for almost a full decade. And after talking with my agent, it became clear that I was going to have this opportunity coming up to sign a pretty significant contract. And I don’t mean to be doom-and-gloom, at all … because I love this game to death, and I’ll play it until they tell me I can’t. But that being said: careers are short. You really can’t take anything for granted in hockey. And just looking at things realistically, this will probably be the last time that I ever get to be a free agent in my prime — or, in other words, be a free agent with the leverage to truly make my own decision, as opposed to having that decision made for me.
And so when we talk about childhood dreams, I mean … who doesn’t have those. But I also know that I got to sit with some of this league’s model franchises, and talk hockey with them, and take pitches from their leadership — all while knowing that, in the end, at this huge life-crossroads of mine, I was making the most informed decision possible for me and my family.