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Count takes you to the Oscars

TheCountofMonteCristo

Canadiens & 'News & Views' Moderator
Staff member
Count takes you to the Oscars. Trigger Warning, my takes might include size, race, mental illness and psychopathia references. Read my takes at your own risk as I will not be responsible for any negative feelings you have as a result of reading my insanity. If are in any way concerned, please retreat to a safe space now.

Justin Timberlake, terrible hair big guy. BTW, when will NSYNC be reuiniting?

I must be old, I don't know any of those actors they keep showing.

Hey, wait a minute it's Slumdog Millionaire.

Jackie Chan, how you doing big guy. Bruce Lee has nothing on you.

Man Guy show is hosting, should be fun.

Damn Mad Max is looking even more nuts than when he was in Thunderdome

Fat Shaming Matt Damon, awesome.

I promise, one year, I will definitely see the movies up for Best Picture.

At least the Man Guy show host recognizes, no one goes to these type of movies.

Hey Viggo "Go Habs Go"

Meryl Streep could take a crap in the opening credits of a movie, never say a word, and still be nominated.

Jimmy is doing a great job so far.

Alithia (sp) nice dress

Jeff Bridges, damn time has not been kind to you

Michael Shannon scares me

Mahershala Ali = who? However, nice Goth Black Tux.

Whatever happened to Jason Bateman's sister?

Star Trek makeup >>> Suicide Squad makeup

Holy Crap, that guy who won has great yellow glasses, and the other guy has the worst fake tan ever

Ok Oscars, I know you have time limits, but pushing that guy with the bad mullet and fake tan off is bad, he is a nobody behind the screen, this is his 15 seconds let him have them

Who would have thought Queen Amidala could look so much like Jackie O

Sting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Colleen Atwood, you design costumes, no need for Botox.

Two of the three from Hidden Figures could teach me math anytime, the other one's dress ain't hiding her figure

Holy crap, is that Kirsten Dunst? I thought she was dead

I see the Academy is overcompensating for screwing blacks over last year but giving them a ton of awards tonight

I can smell what the Rock is cooking

The mathematician in the wheel chair smoked too many cigs in her life either that or she swallowed a few too many razor blades #raspyvoice

I didn't see Moana, my son said it was a "girl" movie and I don't push him to be transgender

I am startrng to think the Academy is very political,,,,

Nicole Kidman, do you miss Tom?

Sophia Butella (sp) wax those eyebrows girl, there was an Amazon forest going on above your eyes.

Sophia gross dress

Mais Salut Montreal, Sylvain, ca va?

Is that Mad Max' daughter with him?

Mammy!!! How is Scarlett?

Mark, that hat is so last year

Michelle Williams rocking the boy haircut

Viola Davis, gross dress girl

Charlize Theron aka amazon Goddess

Shirley MacLaine don't make em like her anymore

Winner of foreign film couldn't get in USA, awesome

Sting's voice is giving out

Cute birds just won for Piper

So far, black injustice, southern wall and muslim ban all mentioned, #toopolitical

A talking animal has to win, WTG Zootopia

Nice dress Dakota, should have performed a 50 Shades scene on stage

Ryan Gosling, gross tux shirt man

Damn, I wish I was on that tour bus

Jenny Aniston is looking old and her face is bloated

Emma Stone, looking good girl

It's Jyn Erso, where is K2SO?

Michael J Fox in a DeLorean = ****ing awesome

Mel Gibson, damn man you look right you are about to go postal, everything ok?

Nice shoes by Sonny!!! Did you find them in the train station where your dumb ass brother left you?

Salma Hayek = Hubba Hubba

Gee White Helmets aka a political movie, won, qu'elle surprise

Tweeting at Trump means Jimmy is going to be arrested

Harold!!! How is Kumar doing?

Loved the mean tweet skit

Robert De Niro can still beat you up

Emma Stone, nice dress

Hey there is Mace Windu, no you dumb ass, that is Stephen, oh who cares, both are annoying (Shaft is going to kill me now)

I guess I need to see LaLaLand, nah **** it

Hey it's Bridget Neilson, no you dumb ass that is Scarlett Johansson

Jenny Aniston, longer slit next dress ok

and please more bronzer next time

George Kennedy is dead? OMG, I guess I can start to fly again. I had one rule, if he is on the plane, I get off.

RIP R2D2

It's the former Mr Jenny Garner and Jason Bourne, **** the Patriots,,,

Amy Adams, shiny dress, wowza

Love the tux the winner for Best Adapted Screenplay is wearing

Halle Berry WTF

Mel is going to go on a rant after losing Best Director

Casey Affleck aka the Revenant won Best Actor and Denzel is pissed off

Queen Amidala was ripped off, oh Anakin is not going to be happy, hide your younglings

Emma doesn't look like a crackwhore to me

Faye, the years have been kind, Warren partied and ****ed too much

The winner is La La Land, oh wait, Steven Harvey just showed up, MOONLIGHT is the real winner

No ****ing way I give up my Oscar, I would say "from my cold dead hand"...

Jimmy, well done saving the biggest screw up in Oscar history.

I think we need Will Smith to show up with his normalizer and spray us so what we saw we did not see.

Of course, how could anyone believe a movie about two cisgendered whiteys win best picture of a LGTBQ2 black man who is poor, filming a movie like that is basically a guaranteed best picture,,,.
See y'all next year.
 

CH1

The Artist Formerly Known as chiggins.
Kimmel was great. Gave it an irreverent late night feel (Matt Damon jabs, busload of unsuspecting tourists, mean tweets, etc)
 

Rolex

Canadiens Moderator
mean tweets version was definitely toned down from his late-night version...for primetime reasons

What I liked about Kimmel is that he was relax the whole time....he talks in a laid-back manner, that you don't get with guys like Fallon...I think it's awesome, makes you feel like he's not overwhelmed
 

Habspatrol

ADMINuteman
Staff member
Yeah Kimmel is by far the better Jimmy. Fallon is ultra talented but he doesn't have the wit, timing and coolness factor that Kimmel does. He's so natural.

And yeah, Mean Tweets was toned way down.
 

Rolex

Canadiens Moderator
They were saying that if Viola Davis was in the Main Actress category, she would have won....
 

Habspatrol

ADMINuteman
Staff member
Men actually care about who wins the oscars?
Care? Not really... but the show is entertainment. If you've seen the movies you might have an opinion on who should win though. Also, I'm not sure why gender would even matter. Are women more into movies than men? I wasn't aware of that stereotype.

I didn't care who won any of the awards... but I was quite entertained by the show.
 
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Habspatrol

ADMINuteman
Staff member
saw pretty much all the best picture noms

would have had lion or la la land winning
I haven't seen either of those. Only saw Arrival, Hidden Figures and Hacksaw Ridge. I enjoyed all 3 a lot but I thought Hacksaw Ridge was the best. Plan on watching Lion, Moonlight, Manchester By The Sea and Hell or Highwater in the next week or so.
 

worm

Active member
I haven't seen either of those. Only saw Arrival, Hidden Figures and Hacksaw Ridge. I enjoyed all 3 a lot but I thought Hacksaw Ridge was the best. Plan on watching Lion, Moonlight, Manchester By The Sea and Hell or Highwater in the next week or so.
Hacksaw Ridge and hell or high water are what I need to see.
 
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